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This is ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) devilmiyu posting in Draven's lj.
Hello Draven,
It's me again, Anna. I need to do this because it is the only way I know that'd help me move on with my life. I know that you cannot read this and I know that you can no longer hear the words I say...
Two decades and some odd years ago, you came into my life. It's one of the earliest, happiest memories of my childhood. You and I both know that I don't have much of that but what I do have, I cherish deeply.
You were this funky kid who loved making me laugh. You loved to show off and I was always your captivated audience. I still keep that picture and still remember that day your Nana brought you over to the house to play with me and so that my grammie could watch and babysit you while your Nana went off to work. I remember a lot of things. I remember your mom and you being so spoiled rotten. I envied you. I remember your fixation with Tonka trucks and little Matchbox cars. I remember how you used to love wearing that Batman costume and how we used to use laundry baskets as our "car".
We had a lot of fun back then, didn't we? Our dreams were simple back then, our demands, our wants and needs.... a sleeve or two of fig newton and perhaps a handful of Oreo cookies before our afternoon nap.... ah yes, naps. We used to hate having to take naps in the middle of the afternoon. Things were so much simpler then.
Things changed. We grew up but there's always a few things that remained the same. And throughout these years, you remained constantly by my side...
You always said that you'd always be by my side, Draven. You said you'd always look after me, protect me.... you said that we should always stick together. But where are you now? Where is my knight-in-not-so-shiny-armour now?
I've watched you battle your own demons back then and you've watched me wage war with mine. But despite all that, we pulled through. We always do. I watched you mourn for the loss of your mother. We consoled each other over the loss of our friend, Michael. The two of us were inseparable... where are you now, Draven?
Who's going to rag on me when I mess up now? Who's going to tell me that even though things suck we still have to step up to the plate and do what is right, give it our best shot and don't take shit from anyone, hm? Who's going to do that now?
I miss you so very much.
Your truck still needs fixing, the pieces are still all over the garage floor. You still need to help me put in a new EGR transducer valve in my car...
You were always fixing things or taking things apart. You were the one who taught me how to change the oil in my car, how to fix a flat and where to hit guys where it'd hurt the most if they happen to take advantage of me.
You always stuck up for me and sometimes I hated the fact that you were quite over-protective of me. Protect me from what? Guys like you? Not all guys are jerks or assholes. You've proven that time and time again.
I don't have many friends, but the ones I do have, I keep them close to my heart and I love them dearly. But no one can replace you. No one even comes close when it comes to being as good as a friend as you are to me.
You've become a huge part of me that calling you "friend" just doesn't seem to fit. You are my brother and always will be.... you are family. But now it feels like I've been orphaned by you. There's this confusion, this sense of uncertainly, this dull ache deep inside that wouldn't go away...
People ask me how did this happen, why did this happen and when and why. Does it matter now that you are gone? What am I supposed to say, Draven? What am I supposed to do? No amount of words can console me. I rather have you here, yelling at me, arguing with me, telling me how much you hate me and despise me...... than this.
We went to our favourite diner today, Dray.... as usual I couldn't finish my food. I didn't feel like eating and everything tasted bland. You weren't there for our usual "food trade". No one's going to ask me, "Hey are you going to eat that?" No one's going to say, "Trade you this piece of french toast for that pancake."
It feels empty here, Draven. I'm so lost without you.
You were never a nobody. You were always someone I looked up to. People adored you and some envied you. To others, you were arrogant and egotistic. You came off like an asshole because you didn't care what people think. You were stubborn.... but all that.... it's still who you are--were.
Draven, why?
I know it's selfish of me to want you back. It's selfish of me to not be willing to let things go and allow myself to mourn for you. I still refuse to. Mourning would mean that you're gone. You're not gone because you'll always be in my heart. My home is your home still, Draven. I will not let go of your memories because it's the only thing I have left that's also a part of you. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I can still hear your laughter. I can still see us building sandcastles by the shore. I can still hear you laughing as you call out "Race you to the beach!"
Who's going to call me a wuss when I say that I give up? Who's going to tease me about the time I cried when we first watched Beauty and the Beast? The game pieces are still untouched and still on the nightstand by your bed, Draven. I still haven't moved and your king is still in check....
But instead of saying, "Please come back, Draven." I'll have to content myself in saying.... "Please stay close by." The only thing I regret is not telling you how much you mean to me and how much I love you when I had the chance. And now I realise that with each loved one that passes away, I realise that I always seem to put off things that opportunity probably wouldn't present itself again.
We both took things for granted, Draven. We both thought there'd always be time to fix things, patch things up, mend and hope for the better. There's always a next time around. Not this time, Anton....
I found this picture of me and you today when I was sorting things out. It's my earliest memory of you.... it is how I will remember you by and it is how I will always hold on to you.
I love you, Draven.
No good-byes..... just "see you later."
Your little "sissy",
~anna
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Comments: Read 14 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, January 7th, 2006
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I read this & it made me think about a lotta things. I was thinking what would happen if in the middle of a fight the person your fighting w/ dies on you. What would you do? What could you do?
I think we're all hung up on our own issues to take things at face value. When people tell us that they care about us & that they love us I think we should get down on our knees & thank whatever god or deity we believe in for it.
Anna used to tell me that she loves me & I used to get hella embarassed cuz she said those things so I told her to stop telling me those things cuz it made me feel uncomfortable. Last month during the xmas season people got all pissy over holiday sentiments. Can't say merry christmas etc. People forget the thought behind the greeting. Then lately my son says he loves me. I don't care how fucked up my day was or how shitfaced I am but when I hear my little boy tell me that its like I know I'm gonna be ok.
Now I wonder why people react the way they do when other people tell them that they are loved or cared for. I think deep down inside we all secretly want to be loved by everyone & accepted & cared for by everyone. I know thats what I want.
I'll drink to that.
*raises beer bottle*
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, September 2nd, 2005
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w00t! go me! I figgerd out how to change the colors on my lj w/ out asking Anna for help. LOL!!
Since I'm in a relatively good mood today, I'm gonna spread the madness by posting THE DARWINS 2005!
[San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
[Kalamazoo Gazette]: James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
[Hickory Daily Record]: Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
[UPI, Toronto]: Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association..
[Bloomberg News Service]: A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas emissions. There were no marks on his body, and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his nearly airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one was hospitalized.
[The News of the Weird]: Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
[The Indianapolis Star]: A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
[Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]: A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
[North Carolina Democrat Gazette]: Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a "frog gigging trip" on an overcast Sunday night when Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not avail able, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended.
Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released.. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck?
Other incidents...
• When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, Calofornia, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only wonder. This time it worked.
• The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tired the maching and lost a finger. The chef's calim was approved.
• A man who shoveled snow for and hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
• After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
• An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told the police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
• A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. The question now remains, if someone points a gun at you and give you money, is a crime committed?
• Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole even was caught on videotape.
• As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbd her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes officer, that's her! That's the lady I stole the purse from."
• The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 am, flahsed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, th clerk said that they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
• The price of gasoline soars to well over $3.00 a gallon just recently. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle Street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, August 28th, 2005
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Went to see her yesterday and again today.
I was finally allowed to see her cuz I dick slapped the cuntfaced nurse then ripped the intern a new asshole then told him that the best part of him dried up on his mommy's thighs her family talked to the staff about me and explained to them who I am. ((Yeah I'm the asshole who's gonna beat the shit out of you if you don't let me in to see her!!))
Yesterday they drew shitloads of blood from her to run tests. I was there with her aunt and cousin. She was out of it, kinda drifting in and out of consciousness. When the dude took her arm to take blood she sorta stirred about, opened her eyes and looked at the guy and said some shit like, "Can I go home now, please? My baby girl wanted me to make cookies for her and I promised I'd make an ice-cream cake for her birthday. Please, can I go home now? I promised her, it's her birthday. Please?"
Her aunt just shook her head told her she hadda stay for prolly a few days then turned to me looking like she was about to cry and shit and looking at me expecting me to say something. WTF was I supposed to do???
Smoke, that's what.
Motherfuck! I'm back to smoking again, done with a pack already and it's only a cunthair past noon! I'd go buy some booze but this fucking state and their liquour laws and shit being closed on sundays, fucking polygamist ass raping bastards!
Well she's doing ok. Sleeping again when I saw her, at least she's getting a lot of rest. She looks pale and all those wires and IV stuck on her. I felt bad for waking her up, but I told her that I was gonna drop by with the kids later after taking them to the movies as promised. She smiled weakly then looked at the flowers I brought for her.
She's gonna be ok. You know why I know this?
"Flowers for me? Why for?" she said while smiling weakly at me. "But flowers are for the dead. Are you trying to tell me something? Don't waste your money on me, you could've bought Ren and Missy ice-cream or something. Besides you can't get rid of me that easy, I intend to stick around forever just to piss you off. So far, so good huh?" I got a faint chuckle from her, then she closed her eyes and went back to sleep.
After all that, she still has the strength to be a smartass towards me. I brought flowers for fucksakes! No thank you, no nothing! Just some smartass remark about flowers and sticking around to piss me off!
Anywho, I told her I'd take the kids to see Brothers Grimm today and then take them to the duck pond. Not due to return to work till Wednesday so I'm thinking of sticking around here in case I'm needed then I'll drive down to St. George tuesday night or some shit like that.
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Comments: Read 9 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, August 27th, 2005
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She called me yesterday and I couldn't understand a single word coming from her. Between sobs, all I could make out was "archen" and "janus" and something about the vampire game, kidneys and blood. I didn't think much of it, she's always breaking down like that and crying on the phone or crying herself to sleep which really pisses me off cuz there's nothing for me to do to comfort her. She tries to fake it lots of times, I ain't stupid. She thinks she can fool me but I learned not to ask anymore cuz she'll tell me eventually. She pretends everything is fine, she puts on a smile and when no one's around she sulks. I don't get it!
Last night was hell. Call me shallow but I just wanted to watch the fucking 49er game on tv. I had to play damage control again and sort things out for her. I don't know why she was upset, I just know that I want to make it right for her. She doesn't need any of that shit she has her own problems to deal with. I can't keep the assholes away from her, I can't put some sort of filter so that all she deals with are the people who make her feel good. That ain't my department anyway. I can't protect her all her life.
She went into surgery they wouldn't tell me much cuz I ain't family even though her family consider me part of theirs. Later there were problems with her. It felt like one fucking blur and I just wanted to punch a hole right through the concrete slab.
She went into seizure--anaphylactic shock caused by some adverse reaction to the drug they gave her, something that caused her to be allergic to. It was fucking hell for everyone there. I had to leave cuz I felt pissed that I can't do shit about it.
I dropped by this morning, they said she's fine but no one's allowed to see her unless they're family. WTF??? I'm the closest thing she's got to a fucking family!! I'm her fucking brother!! I'll go back later after I take my son to a movie, he wanted me to buy some shit for him.
I gotta go now.
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Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.
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Laptop's gone dead. I'm using Miyu's comp. This piece of shit sucks ass! Not to mention the connection's a piece of shit. Who the hell uses AOL Dial-up???Maybe I'll just buy her a new computer and put this one out of its misery. Or get rid of it to rid myself of the misery it's giving me. LOL!!!! Weren't we supposed to unhook this beast and blow up in the yard some time ago, Miyusan?
I can't believe this State! It's always a culture shock visiting this place. I'm used to real fucking beer and good whiskey. The land here is cheap. I'm seriously considering settling down here with my family. Maybe my Nana can move in with me so she doesn't have to be so alone all the time. Speaking of being alone, I'm afraid of being alone.
We all have our grand illusions of what a relationship ought to be or what we want it to be. Miyu and I agree and disagree on certain things. We butt heads on others. She's right though, but don't tell her I said so. :P
Things were quiet this morning. We ate breakfast like zombies but then suddenly it was like a fire was lit under her and she suddenly said, "What the hell do people argue about anyway? When it really comes down to it, what is it, huh? It's Love, lust, insecurity, frustration, fear and money." Then she cocked her head to the side and grinned at me. I hate that look! At the same time I hate it, I can't help but wonder how she does that. It makes me think, "Oh shit! I'm busted. What does she know and how much of it does she know?" I don't hide secrets from her. There isn't a need to. But apparently, she feels a need to guard things.
I'm getting off track here. That big grin of hers, she was mocking me I think. Either that or she was really enjoying my company this morning. It's a cloudiness of being half asleep I guess. Sipping her tea she said, "Being alone isn't all that bad. But I think I understand where you're coming from. You haven't gotten laid in months, right? But it's not the getting laid part that you miss, it's not the high maintenance relationship you've had to put up with, with Janet that you miss. It's being alone, no? I know. It's surprising how quickly you can get tired of laughing on your own, reading on your own, listening and dancing to music on your own, eating on your own... But at night, when it's all cold and dark, sleeping on your own is worst of all. I know because I feel it too. Sheesh Anton! You might as well be lying in your coffin, with nothing to do but grin into the darkness, play with your cock, and wait for Death."
I hate to admit it but I think the Devil hit the nail right on the head with that one.
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Comments: Read 9 or Add Your Own.
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That's what she said. It doesn't take much to understand the male's psyche. It's pretty much, if we're not horny, we're hungry.
But on a more serious note, I'm old and with that, I've seen quite a bit in life. I've gone through a lot of shit. Men aren't alien beings that's supposedly are from Mars. We're not odd creatures, we're men, not dumbasses as many would imply. But we're also not psychics, or one bit unromantic, although plenty of women out there would beg to differ.
What does it take to understand us and the inner workings of our minds? Easy. We need only clear communication, appreciation, honesty, love, and respect. Ladies, this will be repaid by laying the moon and the stars at your feet for your pleasure. There is no need to 'work' a man to get what you want. Some women feel that they have to. We live to take care of a wife, family, and home. Just remember that we are men, and know that our needs are simple but not to be ignored. A good man is hard to find. Yes, I agree, that is true. But a good man is not that hard to keep.
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Comments: Read 13 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, February 18th, 2005
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It's pointless to try to do what's best because you end up being the one who's fucked up in the end. You end up being the asshole, the jerk. No matter how many times you try, regardless of the great extent you put yourself through, you will most likely always things up in the process. This is true especially when it comes to women.
You do something nice for them, they'll suspect that something's up. You try to act like shit don't matter and it doesn't bother you, you end up being called a heartless sonofabitch.
I can't seem to win.
You know what? I'm tired of trying to accomodate their needs, be considerate of their feelings. In the end, it's all about you, not me. I can't be held accountable for how *you* feel. I can't be blamed for how you interpret things.
It's always this shitty mind fuck games we all play and even if we don't want to play, some how, some way, we get dragged in or sucked into the blackhole of controversy and drama.
OMG! Are we really that fucked up? I'd hate to think so. But it seems like we're all a bunch of good for nothing, fuck everything except when it concerns me, losers who can't seem to do anything right even if our lives depended on it.
How depressing is that shit?
I'll never understand why. But I will no longer go out of my way to do nice things for her because in the end, I'm still the asshole. I'm still the stupid fucker who fell for that shit. Hell, it's not even worth a shot at getting laid in the end.
Being alone once again proves to be my only source of comfort. At least I have no one else to answer to but myself. Frankly, that's really not a bad thing come to think of it.
So now when it comes to dealing with you...
Fuck it!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, April 29th, 2004
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redsgoddes gave me a great idea, I've finally figured out how to set things here with this journal. lol! Now only my friends can post a reply. I won't be getting any replies to my post from people who want posting access to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) lost_in_shadows.
If you want posting access to that community, email me. My email address is listed on the user info page. Don't forget to put 'Lost In Shadows posting access' in the subject line. Otherwise, I'll think it's spam or something and will delete the email.
Later.
--Draven
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Monday, February 9th, 2004
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Hm it looks like I haven't been updating this journal. I've been busy and I don't have that much time on the internet. I'm surprised to find all these comments on my journal for posting access to a community and for a minute there I thought, what in the world are they talking about?? Then it hit me, I forgot I'm co-owner and moderator of lost_in_shadows. Well, it looks like I took care of that.
Anna's been acting some what aloof, distant and quite not herself. I know Anna. I've been friends with her since she was 5. I've known her since she was 3. It troubles me to see her that way. I know she's going through a lot. I know that life hasn't really been treating her well. But despite all that, she still manages to smile, she still show kindness and gracefullness. It's rare for people to be that way. Deep down I know she's hurting and I wish that there was something I can do for her.
She'd call me late at night and she says she just wants to talk. But then she'd get real quiet and I can tell she's crying. It's pointless to ask what's wrong, I know her, she'll just say that there's nothing wrong. But then, when she's ready to talk, she'll talk about whatever it is that's troubling her.
Looks like work's getting to her. I know what that's like. My boss is an asshole and I can't stand him. The other workers I work with are nothing but jackasses. I need to remind Anna that business is business. She's there to work. If she makes a few friends along the way, that's fine too, but she really needs to focus on what's important and her friends should cut her some slack.
I don't know the situation or what's going on. But that night she called me and she was talking about Jared and she said that he yelled at her saying "what the heck's going on Anna?" Then he and his roommate started ganging up on her. Anna hates confrontations. I hope she handled it well. Brotherly instincts of being overprotective started to kick in when I heard about what happened. From the phone call I got from her, it looks like she didn't take it well. That's not right. Then again, I really don't know what happened and what's going on and what prompted such a thing. I read what she posted.
I know that she doesn't want people to feel sorry for her. She likes to come off as independent and she hates having to rely on others. My opinion? She's like a sister that I never had and always hope to have. I appreciate her and as far as I'm concerned, she is and always will be family to me.
I just wish there's something I can do for her.
As for everything else. Work is ok. I finally have full custody of my son. My mom takes care of him. I might consider dating again. I just have to find the time. Valentine's day is coming up. That'll suck ass.
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Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, September 26th, 2003
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I just want to be able to look in the mirror some days and *KNOW* who I'm looking at.
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Comments: Read 17 or Add Your Own.
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i don't understand why some people wouldn't bother with the shower, instead, they reach for the deodorant and put on another shirt.
this guy i work with needs to be reacquainted with soap and water. deodorant doesn't seem to be working with this asshole!
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Life sucks. Being broke all the time sucks. Not spending time with the people I care about sucks. Not getting laid sucks.
Everything sucks right now.
Yeah, you suck too!
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Hey check this out! This was in my inbox today from some chick at work.
Little Red Riding hood is skipping down the road
when she sees a big bad wolf crouched behind a log.
"My what big eyes you have Mr.Wolf."
The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little red Riding hood sees
the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a bush.
"My what big ears you have, Mr.Wolf."
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.
About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood
sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.
"My what big teeth you have Mr.Wolf."
With that the wolf jumped up and screams,
"WILL YOU FUCK OFF!
I AM TRYING TO TAKE A SHIT!"
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Thursday, February 27th, 2003
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Thursday, January 16th, 2003
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That’s great,
it starts with an earthquake,
birds and snakes, an aeroplane -
Lenny Bruce is not afraid.
Eye of a hurricane,
listen to yourself churn -
world serves its own needs,
don’t misserve your own needs.
Feed it up a knock,
speed,
grunt no,
strength no.
Ladder structure clatter with fear of height,
down height.
Wire in a fire,
represent the seven games in a government for
hire and a combat site.
Left her, wasn’t coming in a hurry with the furies
breathing down your neck.
Team by team reporters baffled,
trump,
tethered crop.
Look at that low plane!
Fine then.
Uh oh, overflow, population,
common group, but it’ll do.
Save yourself, serve yourself.
World serves its own needs,
listen to your heart bleed.
Tell me with the rapture and the
reverent in the right - right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright
light, feeling pretty psyched.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
Six o’clock - TV hour.
Don’t get caught in foreign tower.
Slash and burn,
return, listen to yourself churn.
Lock him in uniform and book burning, blood letting.
Every motive escalate.
Automotive incinerate.
Light a candle,light a motive.
Step down, step down.
Watch a heel crush, crush.
Uh oh, this means no fear - cavalier.
Renegade and steer clear!
A tournament,a tournament, a tournament of lies.
Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives
and I decline.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
The other night I tripped a nice continental drift divide.
Mountains sit in a line.
Leonard Bernstein.
Leonid Breshnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs.
Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom!
You symbiotic, patriotic,slam, but neck, right?
Right.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine...fine...
(It’s time I had some time alone)
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Sunday, November 10th, 2002
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Woohoo!!! the Devil Miyu was here! (gotta mark my territory, right?)
Ooh there's a bunch of things that are in private here. I wonder if I should take advantage?
*note*
I'm gonna try to fix the layout by tonight and maybe the scrollbar. Hey, D?? Change your password/passnumbers after I'm done. I'm going to do something about your "blue" too. It looks too depressing and I'm not in the mood to deal with "blue" right now. Regards to Mandi and my godson.
*hug*
~anna
***UPDATE***
Hey D? You logged off AIM, hope things are okay there. I changed your overall color to different shades of blue. I think it looks more appealing now that it's lighter. I changed your friends page too. Now it's not too depressing. Other than that, I can't do anything else since your account is a free account and I'm too tired to think up ways to "improvise". Sorry, but that's the best I can do.....for now.
*hug*
~anna
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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been awhile since i've been here.
got a lot of things on my mind
just the other day, i was thinking how i really hate being poor
sometimes it just fucking sucks
i started to peruse
through the various entries of a certain
livejournal community
i was thinking of joining that community
this entry caught my eye
i guess it's a song
i sat back and read those words over and over again
i couldn't help but think about
who this person is talking about
she must have been some girl
for someone to write a song like that for her
i miss that
i miss having someone special
and being that special someone
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, October 18th, 2001
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Apparitions still won't leave me alone
it's as if you never left
how am I supposed to remember you
when you won't let me forget?
I've informed you to leave
'cause I can't afford to lose more sleep
there's your shoes, and there's the door
please don't come here anymore
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 8:04 pm. |
| Mood: |  pissed off. |
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the worst about coming back from a vacation is that it really emphasize how much working sucks. that is all.
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"You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return..."
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 2:39 am. |
| Mood: | bereft. |
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I read the note once again. The words don't mean a thing to me anymore. I feel numb. I should be hurting but I'm not. I should be missing you, but I don't. What happens now? I still look for you in certain places, at certain times.
Diabolically intrigued, I asked myself:
What am I holding on to?
Where are you now?
Do you still dream of me when you close your eyes at night?
Do you still long for my touch?
Or does your skin crawl at the thought of touching me?
My own demons torment me with thoughts of you sprawled across my bed. Legs, open to me and only me. My tongue, still longing to lavishly bathe your skin and taste your forbidden sweetness. My thirst, still unquenced. I crave for your sweet nectar to fill my mouth over and over again.
Throw me a lifeline, for I am drowning in my own misguided desires.
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Wednesday, July 11th, 2001
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| Time: | 3:43 pm. |
| Mood: | malicious. |
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Where are you?
Tell me your thoughts.
The silence is overbearing.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 2:42 pm. |
| Mood: | contemptuous. | | Music: | get the fuck out of my face and out of my way. |
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I don't know what to say. After all that, you still have the nerve to show your face?
Who the fuck do you think you are? You are nothing to me now. Just a whore, just a loser, just a nobody. You expect me to respect you after bullshitting me and playing me for a fool? I don't think so. Time heals all wounds, true. But I will never forget this and all the hurt you've put me through.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Another lie out of your mouth. Another question floating around inside my head. When is it going to stop? Haven't you had enough? Didn't you get your fill? You take such pleasure in causing me so much pain and anguish. How do you sleep at night? Do you sleep at all? Do you toss your head up and back and laugh haughtily knowing what you've told me was a lie? They're all lies. Every single one of them. I know, but you think I don't know and you keep on going. Every other sentence out of your mouth--lies.
I don't know if I should take pity. I don't know if I should run for cover. Run! Far away from you as possible. But I can't. I'm trapped here for all eternity and your voice sings out to me like a siren. I'm caught in a trance, lost forever.
Seduce me
Drain the life out of me
Then leave me here
Dying
Slowly
Half eaten by the worms of society
I ask once again -- How could you?
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when will you ever stop?
when will you ever come back?
lies
all of it
all in vain
I can't be with you
If being with you means pain
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, July 4th, 2001
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| Time: | 2:21 am. |
| Mood: | had enough. |
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you lied to me
blatantly
once again you hurt me
and you expect me to justify your actions
just because you said you love me
i love you
but i can't keep this up anymore
i won't allow you to hurt me
no more
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 12:19 pm. |
| Mood: | forgotten. |
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so that was it?
A brief moment of tenderness.
She smiles, she kisses, she caresses
He smiles, he kisses, he holds her close.
Not wanting to let go.
Stay awhile.
Let us savor this moment.
She left.
He stayed behind.
The moment's passed.
Soon it'll fade.
Like all memories, you'll soon fade away.
Today, I'm lost. Still lost in your beauty. Still caught up in your mystery.
Intrigued?
Now I'm pissed.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 2:58 am. |
| Mood: | bewildered. | | Music: | Switchblade Symphony. |
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I gotta go to work in a few hours and I'm still wondering if I'll ever see you again. You hurt me. Why must you do this to me? You smile and it mocks me and taunts me. Sweet, sweet perfume mixed with sweat.
Then you say "Forget"
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Aren't we supposed to tolerate each other and try to live our lives as peacefully as possible? Then why on God's green earth did you tell me to fuck off? Why?
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dorky.